Ask, and you shall recieve . . .

You know what's kinda weird?  In getting ready for this years WalkMS, some things have come to light for me.  Just weird things; things that I don't have all the way straight in my head yet, but I need to expand upon.  I will admit that this is what my writing professor calls "free-writing".  Writing without sensor or editing. Comments would be very welcome here.

Have you ever noticed that when a person has a really bad cold, or a broken limb, or they are maybe even pregnant, people around--some that are even strangers--have absolutely no problem talking about it? 

I remember when I was pregnant, I couldn't go a day without someone talking about it.  Whether it be my mom, or a lady in the check-out line at the grocery store.  Some offering me advice on how to "fix" myself and any problems I might be having.  Or they just might acknowledge the issue.  "Oh, bummer.  I can see you have a bad cold."  "Wow, how'd you bust up your foot?"  "I remember when I was pregnant . . . " etc. 

Interestingly, no one really talks to me about my MS, or even asks.  (Except my friend Goat, but he is a lot like me.)  It seems as if it's OK to talk about something if it is temporary, but not a disease or permanent thing? Well, except a couple of my friends who have it too.  I know that some may be uncomfortable with it.  I'm just not clear as to why.  Am I too open of a person?  Are some people embarrassed about their condition?  I think that the more open I am about my condition, the easier it is for everyone around me.  For instance, it did not go unnoticed by me when while talking about car shopping with a friend she asked if I could still drive a manual transmission with my MS.  Yes, she is my best friend, but it was nice to be able to have a conversation that involved a question like that, with neither one of us feeling uncomfortable.  She probably didn't even think twice about the question.

  Something comes to mind when thinking about this.   Not too long ago I was introduced to a guy at my husbands work who had no fingers.  None.  He could still bend his hands so he could grip stuff, but no fingers.  He seemed to be comfortable with his lack of phalanges, since he instinctively shook my hand upon introduction, without even an eye twitch.  (Mine might have twitched a little at first, but hell, it's not an everyday occurrence.)

Later on, while sitting and visiting with him, I asked him how he lost his digits.  First of all, I thought my husband was gonna choke on his beer.  Even after all these years together, he could not believe I could ask such a thing.  He says I have no filter.  I feel that the clearer the air the better, but some (including my husband) might not agree.  I personally didn't want this guy to catch me staring at his lack of digits while I wondered what happened to them.  So it was either ask or stop talking to him all together.  I am not a good actress, so I couldn't pretend to not be curious.  And yes, I know it is not even close to being my business. 

The cool part about doing it this way, I think, is that I was then able to enjoy his company (and him mine I hope) with out the weirdness of my eyes constantly flicking back to his hands and lack of parts while I tried to stem my totally human and natural curiosity about what had happened to them.  So, I think that there is nothing wrong with this.

Wow, now I feel I need to go off on a little tangent here.  Just a little one, I promise.  A few weeks back a person whom I have been acquainted with for a few years decided to let me have it with both barrels.  Her subject was my lack of what she called "couth" [ & refinement].  I won't go into the entirety of the so-called conversation, but the gist of it was that I supposedly hurt peoples feelings a lot.  I am 36 years old, and I have to say that I can honestly count on one hand how many times I have regretted saying something to someone.  And of those times, I sincerely apologized, and felt like shit appropriately.  Of those five times, the people I said those things too are some of my closest friends.  Just for the record, I can't even count the times I regretted not saying something, when I feel I should have. 

And I come full circle back to where I was going with this.  So there is my math; a logical solution so to speak. Seems to make much more sense to be open, with an honest, human curiosity about the other humans around you, then to be constantly worried your going to hurt someones feelings or make them uncomfortable.  I think that if you are honest enough with yourself, then others around you will end up being more comfortable in the long run and they in turn will become more honest with themeselves. 

I have Multiple Sclerosis and I do not have a problem talking about it.  The more people know about it and the people who have it, the better chance we have of finding a cure.  Or at least a little sympathy instead of the stink-eye when I am parking in the cripple parking spot but I  "don't look sick."  Comments?

Do Not Waste My Time

The other day in my Criminology class I almost killed four people with my mind.  I thought that was rather ironic considering the class.  

This class is so packed that a few people did not have chairs the first few days.  There are several reasons why this is so, but one is because this class is only taught one term a year, and it's required for all Pre-Law, Criminal Justice, and Adult and Juvenile Correction degrees respectively.

Anyhow, back to the four white trash that sit in the back row.  These girls are taking this class for fun.  They do not need it for whatever degree they are or are not pursuing.  There are currently about 6 people who are coming to class every day who are not even officially enrolled in it.  They do this in hopes that someone will drop the class or be dropped for not showing up the first week.  These obviously are people who need this class for their degree.  Other wise why would they try so hard?

The first day was a no-brainer day.  We went over the syllabus and discussed the over crowding situation and the drop/add procedure of the class.  The entire time, these four girls talked amongst themselves.  Not very quietly, either. About shit not relevant to the class.  I know this because I could hear every word they were saying from across the room.

It was the second day that their lack of respect really got to every one.  Basically the class is pretty straight forward.  We read assigned chapters and do the study guide on our own time, then the instructor lectures about it more in depth during class time.  He tries to do a chapter a day.  We barely made it through half of the first chapter.

During the first five minutes or so of class while the instructor was talking about the add/drop stuff again, and going into a little more detail about it, the Not-So-Fantastic Four were chatting away.  About what, I have no idea, nor do I care.

We finally started getting down to the actual class lecture, when while in the middle of a sentence, the youngest of the four, without raising a hand or even an "excuse me", asked, "Is it always going to be this crowded?  Because I am paying for this class and would like to have a chair and desk every day.  I think I have that right, since I'm paying for it."

You could have heard a pin drop.  The instructor had a look on his face that I interpreted as the, "I was just talking about this five minutes ago.  And yesterday too.  Oh that's right, you were too busy talking about when you would get your welfare check with your friends, and did not hear me", look.  I looked around the room and just about every one was either rolling their eyes or banging their heads on their desks.

One would think this conversation would have been pretty short, but no-ooo she decided she needed to have a complete conversation with the instructor about the subject as if there was no one else in the room.  Then her girlfriends joined in.  This lasted almost ten minutes.  Seriously.  As hard as the instructor tried, he could not steer them off the subject.

Class finally got steered in the right direction, when about five minutes later, one of the other girls had something to say.  Without raising her hand of course.  Or waiting for the instructor to finish what he was saying.  And it's not as if they had a question.  They wanted to relay stories about their lives that they thought were relevant to the class.  So far this is what I know about these four girls:

• One has three kids, by two dudes, and they are both in jail.
• One has no kids, but her dad is in jail.
• One has two kids, their dad is in jail and she just got out of jail.
• One has one kid, lives with her mom, and doesn't know which one of two dudes that are both in jail is the baby-daddy.

Mind you, this is only after one 50 minute class.  At one point the instructor was talking about a study done with children and the proposed outcome of them becoming criminals, and all four thought that that was their cue to debate with him that their kids would not become criminals despite the odds.  You just keep telling yourselves that, honey.

Who cares?  I don't care about them or their kids at this time.  I need this class to get my degree.  I would like to learn something about criminology from a retired police officer who has been teaching this class for over twenty years.  I would like to hear his insight on it, not theirs. I do not want to know how they were wronged by the "man".  Or what ever else they might have to say for that matter.  I just want them to shut the hell up.

I am not the only one either.  After class, I was going to talk with the instructor about the whole fuckery of it, but it turns out I didn't need to.  There was already 20 people waiting to tell him the same thing.  I have this class again today.  I'm curious to find out was he is going to do about these twits.  Will he separate them like in elementary school?

I have a new friend.

Ok, so sometimes I get caught in a YouTube tornado.  You know . . . ya go onto YouTube with a specific goal in mind but after you watch the video you wanted, your eyes can't help but stray to the right and see all the "related" videos.  Then you are fucked.  No sense even trying to do homework, or try to feed all the livestock on your Facebook, virtual farm; you are trapped watching YouTube.  You might of started searching for a random Bob Dylan video, but you end up watching thirteen really bad, home videos of rah-tards trying to light farts on fire, jump off a roof into a pool.

But today I have found my new vice.  Hulu.com  I won't digress any further, but I do wasnt to share my find.  tee hee   I want to be mean lookin' like "Lace".