The night before the big shin-dig at the relatives house in Laporte, Indiana the family went out to dinner. By "the family" I mean the hubby's papa, mama, sis, her two babies, me, the hubster, my son, the brother-in-law, and his two friends. It was interesting to say the least.
But the most interesting part I have to say was not the food. It was not the immediate company. It was the woman seated kitty-corner to us at her own table. She had two other people with her, but you wouldn't know it by the conversation. She was the only person talking. And that my friends is the lead in, to how my husband and his brother inadvertently blew ice tea out of their noses simutaniously at each other. Unplanned, I might add.
Act I: Scene I
(Large, thick necked woman seated at table with her son(?) and another woman. She is wearing the paper bib that comes with the all-you-can-eat-ribs)
"I have to be careful, don't you know," she said in a sugary Southern accent, while stroking a meaty hand down her polyester, flower printed shirt, "I don't want to get anything on my blouse, since I am wearing this to church tomorrow."
(Meanwhile, she is waving a rib as she talks, not to mention spitting BBQ sauce on her friend she is eating with. I guess her friend is going to have to change her shirt for church the next day.)
The following is what caused what is now known as: "The Ice-Tea Blow Out".
Please try continue to imagine this said with a sweet as sugar southern accent. I'm not sure why it's southern since we were about as far North as you can get in Indiana, but whatever.
While continuing to use a saucy rib as a point maker, the rib eater says to her companions, "Speaking of church, did you see Lilah at the services last week?" Her friends shake their heads "no". They can't speak because they are trying to eat their own fill of ribs that are on the table before she does.
She takes a deep breath. And I mean a deep breath. It must of been really deep because she never paused as she said, "Well...She-was-wearing-the-shortest, and-I-mean-the-shortest-skirt, if-you-can-call-it-a-skirt-ever!" Another deep breath here. She almost inhaled her paper bib, I swear. "Why, when-she-bent-over-to-pick-up-her-bible-when-it fell, and-I-think-it-"fell"-on-purpose-you-know, well...YOU COULD SEE HER HOO HOO! And-it-wasn't-just-me-little-JimmyDan-saw-it-too! He-wouldn't-admit it,-but-I-know, because-he-turned-beet-red, and-when-I-asked-him-what-was-wrong, he-just-ran-to-the-restroom."
And that my friends is what caused iced tea to spring forth from the noses of my husband and my brother-in-law simutaniously in Laporte, Indiana. Let it be a lesson to you if you're not into showing off your "hoo hoo", don't bend over in church while wearing a short skirt.
