Well, since I last wrote, I was planning my trip on the Oregon Coast Trail.  I left.  I hiked.  I made it two days.

I am going back to my spirit quest, pilgrimage, finding oneself, what-ever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-it.  But I am going to make a few changes first.

It might not seem like I could have accomplished much on my short hike  but I did.  I learned.

1. I learned not to let anyone else pack for you or "help" you pack.  I had a list of things I would need.  A list stolen from a perfectly good hiking website forum.  It was smart, economical, and lightweight-ish.  This whole trip was to help me unburden myself from my own and others crap.  Packing the crap and taking it with me both metaphorically and literally almost made the whole trip pointless.  
2. I can't bring my dog again.  I want to, but I need to be able to take care of myself above all things; something I don't do at home.  I was so worried about Buttercup the whole time (was she warm enough, cool enough, hungry, or thirsty) that I neglected myself as usual.  Learning to stop putting else's needs before my own is a huge lesson that I need a ton of practice on.  Plus her food was heavy.
3. I want to get a licence to carry a handgun, get a handgun and to know what I'm doing with it.  I'm not going to debate it with anyone.  Ever again.  My beliefs, my life, my safety.  I have let other's trepidation rule my own.    
4. I need to practice re-folding my tent.
5. I learned that there are truly nice people.  The trip was cut short after rolling my ankle and ending up in the ER.  I had little cash on me so unbeknownst to me, they pitched in and paid for my cab ride to a local hotel.  I was floored when I told the cabby that I had 15 bucks to get to a hotel and he said it was already covered.

The ankle is healed and I am planning away and making lists again.  Not sure where I'm off to though.  Oh, and I also learned to keep my cards closer to my chest.  I am too susceptible to other people's opinions.  That's how I got screwed up in the head in the first place.  I am taking baby steps to rely on my own choices, based on my needs, not on someone else's.  I'll let you know what I decide soon.