Many of these overlap (some are four or five of these sadly), but they are distinctly different in certain ways.
1. The Starer
No, not at you, they stare at the screen. Intently. Beady eyes shifting with every single thing, you ring through. The instant something comes up not right (in their opinion), the facial expression changes. Just a twitch, or a quick intake of breath. At this point, I usually slow down a bit, to give their mouth time to catch up with their brain. Some just point it out, but for most it's the facial expression. So usually about 5 or 10 more things ring through before they say something along the lines of, "I thought that soup was on sale?" OK, no problem. Price check. Thankfully my store is small, so these do not take all that much time. "Well sir, as it says in the ad and on the shelf tag, it's only the first two that are 99 cents, after that they are 2/$3." He hands the bag back to me so I can dig them out of the bottom saying, "I don't want them then. Seems like false advertising to me." Sometimes if you just look at them with no comment you can tell when they realize just how stupid that sounded.
2. The Robot
Kind of like The Starer, this person will not do anything until you've done something. They stand in place until you look at them, then they just shove their hand out with their debit/credit card. I let them know they have to do it themselves on the machine that is right in front of them. Then they will stand in place and not move until the order is complete, then will pay. Strangely, they do this even after I let them know they can run their card anytime. We are timed on ring-ups per minute and the timer doesn't stop until I hit total and the card clears. So when they ignore my friendly prompt to run their card while I'm ringing and bagging it slows me down.
(Side bar: Not bagging your own stuff when there's no bagger is perfectly excusable if you're old, handicapped, with a child, whatever. I just hate the perfectly able bodied people who just stand there. And they always say something like, "Don't you guys have more baggers?", "No bagger today huh?". Sometimes I just want to say, "Well, yes I do have a bagger, glad you mentioned it." grinning while I hand them a bag.
The Bad Budget er
This person will come with a decent amount of stuff, and say they only have $50 or something to spend. The total comes to $50 about a quarter of the way through their stuff, forcing everything else they bought to be set aside as a "go-back", (Interestingly, this is what my bagger/courtesy clerks are doing when not bagging.) Seriously if you only have $50 why the hell did you pick out all that stuff? Come on. Pay a little attention to the price tags.
4. The Fussy Bagger
OK, I would consider myself a pretty good bagger. I don't put things that shouldn't be together together. Like hot deli stuff with your ice cream. But I just hate it when customers "undo" my bagging. I bag your stuff and pass it over and they take stuff out. I mean if they ask for certain things together, that's fine. But don't unpack bags. If you want your stuff a certain way, bag your own! Seriously.
5. I Bring My Own Bags, Therefore I'm a Better Person Than You
About 75% of our customers bring their own bags. And I think this is essentially what's going through their heads. Now, there are a lot of people who use their own bags who aren't like this, and good for them, but far too many are. This one lady the other day had one bag at the front of her order for cold (one of those insulated bags). I and my bagger had no idea that she had a few more bags down the line underneath some things. So I pass the first bag down to the bagger and the customer a few seconds later was ranting on. "What's wrong with him, I gave him that bag for cold stuff". She actually said that to me as if the bagger couldn't hear her, and he could definitely hear it. What he was doing was placing the cold things in the bag and the other things in paper. She neglected to notice this. And somehow we're supposed to be psychic and know that you have more bags hidden under your tampon box.
6. I'm In A Bad Mood and I'm Gonna Take It Out On You
You notice there's always customers who just seem to be in a bad mood from the start? As in nothing pisses them off but they just are annoyed? I sorry you're having a bad day, but if I'm having a bad day, do I throw all your groceries around? Nothing ever satisfies them. The store is too cold, too hot, overhead music too loud, not loud enough, couldn't find whatever it was they originally came in for and it's my fault, the lines too long, I'm slow, the prices are too high,
7. The World Is My Garbage Can
It never ceases to amaze me that in a store where most of my customers are Green, granola eating, bike riding, save the planet people, how much they expect others to pick up after you. Sorry, the world is not your garbage can, and neither is our store. We have plenty of garbage cans in the store. Also if you don't want something, give it to me, don't leave it on top of the magazines. At the end of the day I always find tons of stuff there, and often it's the used to be fresh sushi. Seriously what is wrong with people? Or when we have samples, we find little sample cups in the most interesting places. And if you don't want your receipt, tell me and I will recycle it for you. Don't just take it, look at it, and then leave it on the counter. I have a few people who can't even take the time to open their mouths to tell me that much. They just cringe and make a face when I try to hand them their receipt, then walk away. Seriously. Weird I know.
8. I'm Right and I Know It
The customer who will not back down from their original statement about a price no matter what. The other day I was ringing up a guys stuff and when I got to the lemons they rang up 99cents each. They were organic large. His face twitches and eventually he says, "Those lemons were 3/$1. The sign right above them said so." (For the record we are required to check the produce department every day for price change and new produce) I say, "Sir, these are large organic, the 3/$1 lemons are considered baby lemons and are non organic." Him: "The sign said 3/$1." Me: "I'm sure it did, but not for these." Fortunately we were not busy, so I closed off my register and offered to walk back to produce with him so he could show me what he was talking about. When we stood in front of the lemons, he didn't say anything for a moment then, "Someone much have switched the signs around. You should report this to you manager." He ended up buying the lemons anyway. What's really sad when you think about this story is that it took me 25 minutes of my paid time with this guy, start to finish, for $2.98 cents of produce to be sold. This will be the same guy that complains about the "high" prices. Sigh...
9. People Who Don't Understand Lines
I don't understand some customers. I have seen customers walk by two empty lanes and then go wait in line at another empty register. Actually she walked by the two, then turned around, looked down both, walked by again, and waited in line. She was also later to inform us how much of a hurry she was in. Or people who will wait behind four people when there's one or no one in the line right next to them. Or people with two items who wait behind huge orders. That's like tailgating a truck going 50 on the interstate. There's something called an express lane, the lane next to you. I call this the Sheep Mentality. They blindly follow the other sheep. I am the Shepherdess. "Sir, sir, I'm open over here." That's a good sheepy, sheepy.
10. The I Know I Have More Than Ten Items But There Is No One Behind Me
You know who you are. There is no one behind you because every one else obeys the rule and is standing in line with the rest of the sheep. One or two items over is fine. But 34 items? Lady thanks for pissing off the two customers with two things that walked up behind you. I really appreciate it.
