Thursday, March 02, 2006


I have to tell you guys this. My husband reads the papers a day, sometimes two behind. He'll read Monday's on Tuesday; get it? (long story, behind that one, maybe later) So, sometimes he gets a little behind on the news.

Anyway, the other day I was in the office and he was walking by the doorway, I hollered out, "Hey Babe! Did you know Barney died?" (Talking about the actor Don Knotts, who played Barney Fife on the television show Mayberry.)

I don't know why I expected him to know right away who I was talking about, but his response was priceless. He looked at me for a quizzical moment, and (I swear I'm not making this up) said, "The dinosaur?"

I just had to share....

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Oh If Only It Were Real...


A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Man). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

Fall Schedule
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You Too Can do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like an JackAss When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001B What's Yours is Half Hers (Must Pass ECON 1A)
Fall Schedule
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down (Elective - See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise-Especially Naked
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important
Spring Schedule
MEN 220 Omitting @&%~&*! From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Passing Gas is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is Not Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important
Course Electives
EAT 101 Cooking with Quiche
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discretely
MEN 231 Mother-in-Law
MEN 232 Appear to be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say Yes Dear
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 1B)

Monday, February 27, 2006

I had the almost overwhelming urge to kick someone in the teeth today. I had two really good candidates too, but I am an adult so I didn't. So now you have to hear about them.

As I was shopping today, I was looking at some earrings that were on display. There wasn't a sign describing them in detail, so I asked the clerk who was standing right there behind the jewelry counter if they were plated or solid white gold. Her response: "I don't know. I just work here." What?!?! Apparently she doesn't work on commission. And no, I wasn't at Walmart. I would not of been surprised to hear that response if I was. But I was actually at a very high end store. I love the people who work the sales counters. They act so snooty, yet they most likely barely make more than minimum wage.

The second thing, just happened about ten minutes ago. I ran down to the little neighborhood store near my house, and guess what I see? A minivan parked about 50 yrds from the door to the store, running, purse sitting on the passenger seat, BABY is a carseat in the back, doors unlocked. WTF!?!?! I don't live in the best neighborhood, far from it. What the hell was this person thinking, that left this kid there like that? I went towards the store and saw a woman walking towards the van. Yup, it was hers.

Me: "Excuse me. Is that your van?"

Stupid Bitch: "Yeah, why?"

Me: "Did you forget that you have a kid in the backseat?"

Stupid Bitch: "Who the hell are you?"

Me: "Did you forget that you have a kid in the backseat, and the engine is running with the doors unlocked?"

Stupid Bitch: "Screw you, who are you to judge?" she said while walking away.

Me: "Not judging just asking a simple question. It's a good thing that I was the one to come upon your van. The running engine on the unlocked car, with the purse sitting on the front seat would have been awfully tempting if I was a thief. Oh even better! If I was a pervert, that little blond girl snoozing away in the backseat would make quite a find. What were you thinking?"

Her: "Fuck off." She then hoped into her van and squealed her tires leaving the lot. Yeah, that was safe.

Someone else might think I am judging. But I think that in order to judge someone, there has to be a possibility of innocence. There was none that I could see. She did what she did, I saw it with my own eyes. She also couldn't give a rip. What a toadcock. Ok, I'm done bitching now.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Yet Another New Tenant, This One Rocks!

Hey I want to introduce The Rock Bitch to everyone. Her thumbnail to click on is to your left right under Teh Blogfather.

This woman is way too cool. I was a little leary about putting her up on my site, because after reading her bio, I am thinking that she might be my husbands dream woman. But as she is clear on the other side of the country, I think I'm safe.

She loves the Rock & Roll, is an advocate for The American Cancer Society, and was a DJ for a rock radio station until someone pissed her off. If you want to know more your going to have to check her and her blog out for yourself.