Saturday, September 17, 2005

Have I....?

I stole this meme from the site Aint It Amzing who stole it from Melody who stole this from Sue , who stole it from Sheri who stole it from her sister-in-law Sandra.

smoked a cigarette ... yes
crashed a friend's car.... I can't remember, I plead the fith
stolen a car . . . Nope
been in love ... Thought I was once, now I definitely am
been dumped .... Hell yeah, worse than the worst
shoplifted... Not on purpose
been fired ... Oh yeah...Many times
been in a fist fight ... High school I was ambushed, and I might of started a few in a later life
snuck out of your parent's house..... yes, of course (I was bad)
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. .. Once
ever been arrested? . . . Nope
gone on a blind date...A few, left one when he asked if I was wearing panties during the desert course
lied to a friend ... Not ever
skipped school .... Once in a while.
seen someone die... Saw a guy in a bar once have a heart attack and was dead before he hit the floor. But he died while playing pool and drinking beer. How bad can that be?
been to Canada.... Nope
been to Mexico ... Nope
been on a plane .... Bunches of times, but the worst was being trapped in Denver due to fog for three days at the airport with my Chihuahua in tow
purposely set a part of yourself on fire - uh. No, what the hell kind of question is that?
eaten Sushi...... yes, like some
been skiing..... Nope, not on purpose
met someone in person from the internet . . . yes
been moshing at a concert .... No, what's moshing? LOL . . .
taken pain-killers . . . yep, best invention ever
love someone or miss someone right now . . . yes, miss a lot of people
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by ... Yup, but not lately.
made a snow angel ..... Grew up in Minnesota, so I guess that would be a yes
had a tea party .... Nope
flown a kite. . . Yup
built a sand castle .... Yup, but they always look like crap.
gone puddle jumping .... Does puddle splashing count?
played dress up . . . All the time, still do.
cheated while playing a game.......Yeah, but don't tell anyone.
been lonely . . . All the time
fallen asleep at work/school .... Both.
used a fake id..... Nope, never had to. . .
watched the sun set. . . yes, best one was on my wedding day after the ceremony
felt an earthquake ..... yes, in my water bed. Weird feeling, I'll tell yah!Touched a snake....... yes
slept beneath the stars...... Yes, and was awake all night waiting for the bears to come eat me
been tickled. . . Unfortunately yes
been robbed . . . Had my purse stolen, sucks.
been misunderstood . . . Chronically
petted a reindeer/goat ...Does it count if you use your car?
won a contest ... YES I DID! I won front row tickets to see Diamond Rio, by finding five plants using their Latin names at a plant nursery in less than 9 min and 97 sec. I did it even after the automatic sprinklers turned on. Fuckers.
ran a red light... I plead the fith
been suspended from school.... nope
been in a car accident ... Does it count if I was the only one involved? HA
had braces. . . Not on my teeth
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night...... I don't like ice cream
had deja vu. . . I think so.
danced in the moonlight ......a little dancing, a little howling, a little drinking, possibly mooning...(wink wink, Sonja. :-)
witnessed a crime ........ Maybe
questioned your heart . . . . No
been obsessed with post-it notes . . . Oh hell yeah, when I realized that I lost my mind, I had to put post it notes on everything. (stole that one, but oh so true)
squished barefoot through the mud . . . One of my favorite pastimes
been lost.... Never. And wouldn't admit it if I had been.
been to the opposite side of the country... a few times.
swam in the ocean .... Not on purpose
felt like dying.......Never
cried yourself to sleep .... Cried myself pissed off, works better for me that way
recently colored with crayons .... Nope
sung karaoke....More times than I can count!!
paid for a meal with only coins . . . Dollar menu at McD's. Nothing wrong with that!
done something you told yourself you wouldn't.....Lots
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose..... Maybe
caught a snowflake on your tongue . . . Lots
danced in the rain . . . Naked even.
written a letter to Santa Claus . . . I don't remember
been kissed under a mistletoe .... Been a while
watched the sun rise with someone you care about?. . . Yup
blown bubbles...I don't know anyone named Bubbles.
made a bonfire on the beach . . . yes, and still froze my ass off!
crashed a party. . . I don't remember
gone roller-skating....... Oh God the memories...Ah, Skateworld.
had a wish come true ...The best one, yes
worn pearls ... yes
jumped off a bridge ... No, and don't want to, you can't make me
told a complete stranger you loved them. . . I don't think so
kissed a mirror . . . The fith again
sang in the shower .... Every day, and lets just say that I would not make a very good exotic dancer either, unless you are into the wiggly-jiggly kind.
had a dream that you married someone .... Yeah, but it did not come true, cuz, I've never met Mel Gibson. Yummy!
glued your hand to something..... Who told you?!?
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole.... Nope
kissed a fish... What the hell kind of question is that?
sat on a roof top ... Yeah, but not for long, it was sloping.
screamed at the top of your lungs. . . Guilty
done a one-handed cartwheel....Long ago
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours ...Long ago
stayed up all night.... Not if I can help it
didn't take a shower for a week. . . Only if you don't count the "creek bath".
pick and ate an apple right off the tree . . . Hell no.
climbed a tree . . . Yup, and fell down too
had a tree house . . . No, I was deprived
had a complete stranger tell you You are Hot..... Every day. (Shut up, Sonja! It's true no matter what you say!)
met someone you swear you have met in another life .... Uh...No.

Ahh, Oregon

Have you ever driven around your state? You know, really drove around and checked out some of the weird stuff that isn't exactly listed in a brochure from the area chamber of commerce?

Living in Oregon can be interesting. Driving around Oregon can be the stuff books are made of. Or not. Depends upon your outlook I guess.

If you drive on I-5 in this wonderful state of ours, around the middle of the state you'll pass through a place called Albany. No need to watch for signs. You'll smell it. Or I should say you'll notice a very unique aroma. The paper mills stink to high heaven, but at least you'll know where you are. I am pretty sure that Albany is the Native word for "was that you?".

There's also a sign near there that states that you are on the 45th parallel, halfway between the North Pole and the equator. I always wondered just who that sign is for. If I ever break down near that, I am just dying to tell the tow truck driver or whoever, that they can find me approximately 2.2 miles from the 45th parallel on I-5. I want to see if they can find me.

And of course driving on some of our smaller so-called highways can be an adventure in itself. Adventures in dealing with the other drivers and with whatever you might see out you window around the state of Oregon.

Try driving on highway 126 to the coast. Argh. First of all I am pretty sure that when they made this road, all they did was pour asphalt over an existing wagon trail. Because I feel like I'm driving on one at times. And I always seem to get stuck behind two different types of drivers. One being the giant motorhome. Jeez. I understand they're old, they have an enlarged prostate, their colostomy bag is full, and they have a Miracle Ear with dying batteries, and they are going to go slow. But when the people with their brand new cars with the freakin' v8 engines and a billion horses under the hood get in front of me, I just want to scream at them to GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY! I'm pretty sure your car goes faster than 40 mph! Of course until they get into the passing lane, then suddenly their car has rocket fueled engines. The passing lane ends and they are back to podunking down the road like a tortoise, so I can never get around them. Ever. I've seen paperboys on bicycles go faster than this.

Driving through Eastern Oregon is almost as exciting. This is some of the flattest area that you can drive through here. And there is not a whole lot out there either. Basically a road with no turn offs for miles and miles. You could practically set your cruise control, and hook up a Club to the steering wheel and take a nap.

I once saw a tour bus traveling through Eastern Oregon. I'm pretty sure they went bankrupt. What is there to see? "If you look to your right you'll see some dirt, dried up weeds and stuff. On your left, same darned thing. Oh wait there's a big fat guy with hair on his back. You might want to get your camera for this one folks."

Ok, this one is listed in a brochure somewhere but I think one of the neatest places in Oregon is The Oregon Vortex. The Oregon Vortex is a spherical field of force, half above the ground and half below the ground. The word "vortex" simply means a whirlpool of force, like a whirling mass of water, especially one in which a force of suction operates, such as a whirlpool or a whirling mass of air, especially one in the form of a visible column or spiral, such as a tornado. The Phenomena that gives The Oregon Vortex its name are evident throughout the entire area. Nowhere in the circle of the Vortex do you normally stand erect. Inevitably the visitor assumes a posture that inclines toward magnetic north. It's pretty cool stuff. Check out the photos on the website. It's about the only place in the world, where my husband is taller than me. I'm pretty sure he wants to live there. But I don't think so, though.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I Think I'm Going to Bad Mother's Prison/Hell

I'm a terrible mother. So bad. Sigh...

While cleaning my kitchen today, (well, kinda cleaning, moving things around anyway) I discovered my son's math homework sitting on the kitchen table. Well, I don't want my kid to get in trouble or get a bad grade for not turning it in, so I grabbed it up, hopped in the car, and went down to the school.

I pulled into the lot and went to jump out of the car, when I realized what shirt I was wearing. White shirt with the words, "If you don't like my attitude, fuck you." on it. Oh and a rendition of Mickey Mouse flipping you the bird. So, I'm thinking, oh crap. I didn't want the office biddy's talking smack about my kid's mom, so what do I do? I got the bright idea of whipping off my shirt to turn it inside out. Pretty smart, huh?

Nope. It wasn't until after I got my shirt off, that I realized I wasn't wearing a bra. Don't get me wrong, I have descent boobies, but I have never had the desire to show them off in my kid's school parking lot. Oh, did I mention my car was facing the Elementary school at the time? Well, let's just say that the seats in my car, do not recline far enough for it to be satisfactory for me to avoid being seen. Ugh.

And if that wasn't bad enough, after I get into the office, I realize that you can still see the letters through the shirt, although backwards. So, I was kinda folding my arms across my chest. But when I noticed the office biddy's eyes roaming down, it came to my attention that whether Mickey was inside out or not, you are still getting flipped off. Crap. I suck. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

So much for me getting the Mother of the Year award.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Favorite Fall Things

With fall finally here for most of us, we have many things to look forward to. For some it's school starting. For others it's the NFL football season. And for even more, the upcoming seasons of favorite t.v. shows. For me it's all three.

I think as of late my very favorite thing is the sound of my house, after my son leaves for the bus stop in the morning. Or I should say the lack of sound. No t.v. No shower running. No music. No shouts from down the hall, "MOM!!! Where's my other shoe?!". Just blessed silence. It's like going outside right before a storm hits. All the birds are quiet, no crickets, nothing.

The weekends are another thing. The hurrying bustle of getting my kid to his football games, getting him to do his homework, the sounds of the washer chugging, and the dryer whirring. The smell of frying bacon, or spam, or whatever is on the menu in the late morning hours. The NFL football on Sundays. This is when I rearrange my schedule, so I can watch my games as much as possible. (Although I would have liked to see them win this last Sunday.)

And this week I am looking forward to another season of Survivor. Yes, I am looking forward to it, even though for, I don't know, the 11th time, they jipped me, and I didn't get picked to go. My husband and I soooo want to be on this show. We know we would totally kick butt. And here's why:

  • My husband will eat anything. My gag reflex is minimal.
  • Although I'm not a strong swimmer, I have virtual balls of steel.
  • I know plants. I know which ones will kill me, and which ones may not taste great but will give me the nutrients I need to survive, and I would not share my knowledge with anyone, so I have an edge.
  • I am not afraid to do-do in the outdoors. (as long as I have a big stick to ward off wildlife.)
  • I am kinda-sorta- athletic. So is my hubby.
  • My husband is a great debater, and can be very sneaky.
  • My husband is a bartender, therefore everyone thinks they are his best friend. He is good at capitalizing on that.
  • We would not walk around naked. Have no desire to, plus it's been done.
  • Although I am not a super model, I have great boobies, and will show them for chocolate and peanut butter, or any other food if I was starving. Hell, my husband would show everything, if you offered him one single Hershey's Kiss if he was starving.
  • I'm a sneaky bitch. Everyone will think I am the coolest chick ever, then when they are least expecting it, BAM! I stab them in the back, and they are not even sure if I really did what they think I did or not.

There are so many reasons why we need to get on that show. But one of my biggest down falls is that I do not do well in the heat. I think I will probably try a lot harder to get on the show, if I thought they were going someplace in the real woods. Like Alaska, or Canada, or the Pacific Northwest. But alas, I doubt that will ever happen. You can't show bikini clad bimbos in the woods when it's 30 degrees outside. That, I think is part of the reason. Except, if they would just think about it, it could happen. They could pick a spot in the high Cascades, in the summer. We have high mountain lakes. It can get pretty warm up there. And the lakes are ice cold. If they would just think about the nipple factor, the ratings would go sky high.

Anyway, enjoy these days of fall, while I do all the things I like to do. Not to mention, plotting my way into next years Survivor show. Who knows, maybe next year it could be "Survivor: Oregon".

Sunday, September 11, 2005


This morning is one of my favorite days. It technically lands on a different day every year, but it's all the same. It's the first regular season game of my Minnesota Vikings!

This is going to be short, because I have to go down to my local establishment and watch my game, because of course I can almost never see them on the local boob tube stations, and I have to be back in time to take my son to his football game this afternoon. I also have to remember to change my clothes. It wouldn't be good to show up at my son's game with my Vikes stuff on, since he team is the Steelers. Sigh....

Anyway...GO VIKES!!!