Trying to lose weight sucks. Over the period of the past four months, I have gained 20 pounds. Might not seem bad to you, but who cares what you think? Anyway.

I have tried everything. I eat less. I eat lots of greens and stuff. I exorcise. A lot. I do lots of agonizing Palate moves that no normal human being should be able to do. But I am still gaining weight. I figure I am gaining about 2-3 pounds a week. So I figure I am just destined to be huge since I hit the ripe old age of 32....or I'm pregnant (shudder).

There is no way humanly possible that I could be pregnant. It would have to be a three-wise-men-following-the-north-star type of pregnancy. Ok, I'm so not a virgin, but my stuff has been tied, fried, and cauterized. I don't have the right plumbing. Unless......the doctor messed up some how. But I'm not going to think of that right now. Just like I am not going to think about the fact that the only place I have visibly gained weight on my body is my tummy. Oh God! Nah.....its just too much food, Oreos, or something. Gulp.