Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Swimsuit Season is Almost Upon Us.

One of the reasons people get married I think is suntan lotion; your going to need help. There are parts of your back that you simply can't get to by yourself, and quite frankly, no woman is going to do it for a man that isn't already married to him. All those random hairy parts, ew.

My fear of getting burned goes back to being a kid, when you not only had the pain, but the humiliation bonus the next day when you had to where a t-shirt over your suit in the water. Nothing more embarrassing than that one. Just a big advertisement to the community that you have no common sense whatsoever. "You all put on lotion and didn't get burned; I myself was careless and stupid, and now I wear this Garment of Shame before the entire swimming pool population."

And you get that little air bubble under the t-shirt, which provided your friends something extra to pull, thereby adding another layer of pain on top of the humiliation. All in all, a pleasant outing.

I was talking to an acquaintance the other day about how he and his wife went to a nude beach. I immediately thought, "Gee, there's logic: It's 140 degrees, why not scorch everything?"

The thing about being naked in public, I would think, is that there would be nothing you could think about other than about how naked you are. And how naked everybody else is. That's all you see.

You don't think, "There's a tall guy." It's, "There's a naked guy." You don't say, "That woman looks like a lovely person." You say, "There's a naked lady."

And I would imagine that you'd think a lot about your clothes. When you're dressed, you don't think about your clothes. You never walk down the street conscious of your clothes, thinking, "I love my pants. I'm happy to have pants." But when you are naked, you can't get past, "I have no pants. I'm walking, and I am very much without pants." That's all I would be able to think about: the absence of places to put your hands. No pockets.

No comments:

Post a Comment