Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Nightmare on Alder Street

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was a gardener. Her name was Kimberly. She was a beautiful gardener, almost stunningly so. (Hey, it's my story!) And she was having a rough start to her day.

After being told she looked tired and haggard, she still continues to do her work. The jealousy of some people is just a cross she often bears. She is starting to get used to it.

After pruning and dead-heading the rhododendrons in the front yard of the house on Alder street, the freakishly gorgeous gardener turned her attentions to the rear of the property.

She looked around the yard and decided to give her talents over to a sad looking rose in desperate need of a pruning.

She stretched out her long, lean, tan leg to step around another shrub to get to the rose hiding in the back. The tone muscles in her arm flexed as she set her debris bucket on the ground.

Suddenly she feels a painful prick on her elbow. Thinking it to be a rose thorn she prepares to continue her work. But she immediately realizes her mistake when she feels another prick and another and another. She had set her bucket down on a yellow jacket nest!

With almost super human strength and the agility of a gazelle she leaps through and over the remaining shrubbery to arrive on the front lawn with amazing speed.

Her fellow gardener, Sheri, has run to catch up and aid in anyway, but it was so hard to help through the windmill type flailing of Kimberly's tan and muscular arms.

When Kimberly became aware of the buzzing near her ears, she realized that the yellow jackets were entangled in her hair. She whipped off her cap, tore out the band that barely contains her waves upon waves of shiny, fiery locks, and shook it to dispel any insects that might of thought to hide in there. Several bystanders stopped to stare, apparently mesmerized by the site of such beauty.

There was an audible sound of air being sucked between teeth as Sheri saw the damage that had been done to Kimberly's ear. A yellow jacket had left it's giant stinger in the cartilage of her right ear. As she attempted to remove it, Kimberly suddenly flew across the lawn and whipped of her shirt, to the awe of the bystanders and the owner of the house. There had been two more of the terrible yellow jackets inside her shirt and they had stung her supremely muscular back in two places.

Only then, while standing in the driveway of this Alder street house, shirtless, hatless, tan muscular body being ogled by bystanders, red, shiny hair flowing in the breeze, was the ever faithful Sheri able to pull the last stinger out.

With tears streaming down a her beautiful face, she convinced Sheri and the owner of the house, that she would prevail. That she would continue her work. For it was a work she loved, and sometimes you have to put up with evil to do good in this world.

She just avoided the area of the yellow jackets that were now a solid mass swarm hovering around her now abandoned debris bucket.

*Although this story is true, some parts may have been slightly embellished for entertainment value. Thank you.


  1. Anonymous4:44 PM

    If you ran as fast as you did during forest fire training, I bet you busted a record. :) I am sooo sorry you got bit. They hurt like the devil. I just hope the lady has the since to get rid of them. Take a can of wasp spray in the truck when you retrieve your bucket and benedryl. (if you do that is)
    Take care. IO

  2. Thankfully that was a one time yard clean up. They can keep the bucket.