Would you just LOOK at this guy...sheesh!

The great thing about being selfish and self-centered is you can do it anywhere, with anybody. It's not restricted to those you love. And it's not just me. Everyone is self-centered. But of course, I'm really only concerned about myself here.

I know for example, I'm selfish when I drive.

The True Ugliness that lurks in our souls doesn't always come out, but in traffic it comes out plenty. Especially during this season.

When you are stuck in traffic, you hate everybody. "Oh, would you just look at this moron! Why doesn't he just GO? He sees I'm here, doesn't he? Why won't he go? Come on go, go , GO! If you would just go, there wouldn't be traffic. That's why there is traffic: your failure to go!"

We've got places to be and we want to be there NOW. It doesn't matter where. You could be on your way to the dentist to get raw nerves sucked out of your jaw, and you'd still be pissed. "Heyyy, I'm gonna miss the whole nerve sucking thing. Come on, let's go!"

It's always the guy in front of you that you really hate. If he would just go, we all could go and there would BE. NO. TRAFFIC! And of course I am never the "guy in front of you".

And you obsess about this guy. You've been staring at the back of his head for so long you want to be him. "If I could be him, that would be great. No wait. I want to be in front of him. That would be great. If I could just be right there in that spot, that would be great."

Of course when you get to where he is, you're still not happy. "Look where he is now, the lucky sonovabitch. He's still doing better than me. All these people are looking back and staring at me. I know it."

The only way to feel better is to turn around and look at the people behind you. "Yeah well, at least I'm ahead of those losers." We just want to be better off than somebody. At the very least.

Burly needs a break.

Okay, Kim"burly" says she is just too darn busy to write, so you are stuck with me. For those of you who may not know me, I am Sonja, Kim's best friend for over 20 years (whether she admits to it or not). I may not be near as creative or colorful as Burly, but at least it is something new to read. Now that the intro is taking care of, down to business.

I thought that I may write about the wonderful holiday season, as I have recently taken a seasonal job as a "Customer Service Representative" for Harry and David's inbound call center. After three days of "my-ass-is-numb" training in how to use their software program, proper phone etiquette and getting the instructor's nasty cold; we were thrown into shifts starting at 6 a.m. of 6 hours a day. They warned us that within our first 2-3 days we will be monitored to make sure we are doing our best and up-selling/cross-selling/giving the proper specials at the correct times, keeping our average call time down to 7 minutes and 45 seconds (we get bonuses that way).

My only concern was "Gee-Golly, I hope I don't cuss...out loud anyway".

My first call came in...I was shaky, my eyes darted around to see if anyone was within earshot to overhear me totally messing it up, knuckles white, I plunged.

ME: "Thank you for calling..."

CUSTOMER: "Your talking too fast."

Screech. ME: Okay, My Mind is saying-"GAWD HOW OLD ARE YOU? LIKE 101?" So I proceeded like I was talking to a 2 year old explaining the ins/outs of wall sockets and pennies.

ME: "Highlighted...in...pink...there...is...a...number.....", well, you get it.

CUSTOMER: "What number are you talking about, I don't see any number."

ME: "It...is...highlighted....in...pink..."

CUSTOMER: "I know what you said, I ain't a fu**ing retard." Blink.

ME: My Mind-OH MY GAWD, DID SHE JUST SAY FU**ING?, I nearly burst out laughing, it sounded absolutely ridiculous coming out of an OLD, I mean OLD, lady's mouth. For this reason, she earned a nickname, now she will be known as FOL (F**king Old Lady). Okay self, control the giggle. Now I had to decide...I could try to pull up her account another way, or I could continue and see how pissed an old lady could get me and probably get the "assist staff" involved-hmmmm.

ME: "Highlighted...in...pink...there..."

FOL: "Oh, there it is, is it in pink?"

By now I knew that all the rest of my calls are going to have to be 60 seconds or less to get my bonus-because there is no way that I was going to end this transaction in under an hour.

ME: "Yes, that is it."

FOL: "Hold on, I need to get my glasses."

ME: My Mind, "@#%&*$!!!!!!"

FOL: "Okay are you ready sweetheart?"

ME: My mind, "Huh? She DID NOT just call me sweetheart."

Out loud: "Yes ma'am."

FOL: "0137......oh sh*t, is that a 5 or a 6?"

ME: My Mind, "Fu** lady, I don't know." Out loud: "We could try it both ways if you would like."

FOL: "Aren't you the smart one?! Okay, here goes..Are you ready?"

ME: My Mind, "Like fu**ing five years ago!!!!" Outloud: "Yes ma'am".

As you can probably imagine, the order took 47 minutes, 1 item sent to a brother-in-law, a grand total of $38.05. Not once did I cuss, spit, throw myself into the computer-or make a single smart-ass remark. A personal best, I think.

The moral of this story-Remember the whole reason why we have a holiday season. Although you are stressed, tired and just plain fu**ing sick of everything and could go off the deep end at anyone/anything at anytime-BE NICE...Out loud anyway.

Nothing to say...

I've been a little over worked and tired lately, so I don't have much to write about. Or at least I can't get much past the constant fuzziness in my brain lately, but I wanted to share something with you. Check out this guy:

Funny humorist. Dude cracks me up. I think we might of even been separated at birth, except for the fact that I am much better looking.