Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Am I Larry, Moe or Curly? Cripes!

Have you ever felt like you were in the middle of a Three Stooges show? Keystone Kops, also was a familararity today.

I don't know if it was the position of the moon or what. I checked my horoscope, and it said nothing about me making an ass out of myself. Well, shit.

My day started ok. I left the house around the middle of the morning. While getting on the freeway, I almost got side swiped by a geezer pulling a fith-wheel. (interestingly, I looked and he didn't even notice me. How can you not notice a bright purple truck with a bright blue wheel barrow in the back, for cripes sake?!?!) Anyway, I proceeded to kidnap my sister to help me finish a job I had been putting off. I had to go to her work to do this. She had just finished an eight hour shift, gaped at me like I was a loon, jingled the change in her pocket, and decided that this was going to be easy money. Ha! Little did she know!

We got to the job site, (landscape stuff BTW) and started to dig. Basically, we had to cut out an oval about the size of a small car from a very nice stretch of lawn, place a large rock on one side, and plant a tree. Sounds simple right? Ha! You know nothing!

The area we had to dig up the sod from, happened to be about the most soupy spot you can imagine. Think about a low spot in your yard, and you left the sprinklers on too long. Multiply that by ten. That was the spot. Ugh. Anyway, we dug. As my sis was filling the wheelbarrow with sod, I warned her that it was getting too full, and would be too heavy. She as usual ignored me. As I graciously decided to take the wheelbarrow myself to the truck to unload, I turned it and the tire apparently came off the rim. Shit. Oh gee, double shit. Did I neglect to mention that I was in the middle of the street at the time? With a load of sod that probably weighed about 100 lbs ?

I was pushing along, and I thought I was dragging something. I looked down and realized that I was dragging the freaking tire! My sis was going on about how she told me last week that she thought the tire was a little low, but since I don't remember that, I think she was making it up. (But she will still continue to keep deer heads in her freezer for us, now wont she? ...Previous post, sorry)

Then of course, since I was in the middle of the road, a van is coming down the road. A delivery van. Gosh I love giving them stories to take back to the warehouse with them. Don't you? I was smack, dab, in the very middle of the road. No way around me. So I am yelling at my sis to get over to me to help me get the damn thing out of the road, and I might of been waving my arms a wee bit, and she starts laughing. Couldn't stop, either. I'm pretty sure that snot was running out of her nose, too. (take that, Sis!)

She came over to me and asked what could she do. I told her to lift one end and I would lift the other. Her response: "I ain't liftin that! Are you shitting me?!".

I ended up taking half the sod out, and carrying it to the truck, and then dragging the wheelbarrow with the flat tire, to the truck backwards. Apparently the DHL delivery driver was laughing his ass off the whole time. I didn't notice, but my sis informed me later. Sigh...crap.

After that fiasco, it was time to get the tree in the ground. This tree, I am guessing, weighed near to 150 lbs. Probably more, because I think I can lift 150 lbs. The owners had bought it about three weeks previously and of course, sat it in their yard, about 100 Ft away from where we needed to put it. So we decided to roll it. Not a good idea. Less than half way to the hole we (mostly I) dug, it started to come out of the pot. Black dirt all over the lawn...Hey I have a great idea! Lets put it back in the pot and drag it over to the hole. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Once we got it to the hole, we couldn't get it back out of the pot. I tried to yank it out using nothing but my brutal strength, but to no avail. (shut up Sonja.) I might of also fell on my butt, once or twice. Ok, so we finally got the damn thing in the hole, and the lawn we had to treks back and forth on to get the sod in the truck looked like total crap. But, all in all, the job got done, and the crappy part will look better once it rains a few times.

Oh, and my sis also informed me she couldn't dig anymore, because she pulled a muscle in her butt from laughing at me. Is that workman's comp by the way?

God, I hope the neighbors were not video taping us for some reason.

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