Crazy Nights Before Christmas

'Twas a few nights before Christmas, when in my crazy house
All my creatures were stirring, chasing a stuffed toy mouse;

The stockings were piled up in a heap on the chair,
In the hopes that maybe I would hang them with care;

The teenager was nestled all snug in his bed,
He was supposed to be sleeping, but playing Nintendo instead;

And papa in his boxers, and I in my flannels,
Wishing he would stop yapping, and that I had more T.V. channels;

When out in the living room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter;

Away through the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Flipped on the lightswitch and and just had to gasp;

The glare of lights on the side of the newly fallen tree,
Gave the look of daylight on the scattered ornaments everywhere I could see;

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
One of my dogs chewing on the head of a tiny reindeer;

With a flip of the tongue, all wet and so slick,
I knew in a moment that the rest of the ornament would go down just as quick;

More rapid than an eagles, her cohorts they came,
As I tried to whistle and call them back by name;

Here Mazzy, here Daisy, here Harpo, you darn dogs,
Stop Nikki, stop Wurther, stop Fitz, stupid cats, your as bad as the dogs;

Get in the kitchen! Get away from the tree!
Now, come here right now! Lets go outside to go pee!

With paws slipping and sliding on the hardwood floor,
Like a furry tornado they raced for the door;

So out to the backyard they ran and they flew,
To sniff at the grass and perhaps something else to chew;

And then I heard a tinkling coming from the living room,
The meowing and hissing filled me with doom;

As I called in the dogs and was turning around,
The cats screetched out of the living room with a bound;

They were covered in tinsel from head to foot,
And their fur was all wet from the water in the stand I had put;

A bundle of lights were all wadded up behind them,
dragged into the kitchen still twinkling like a gem;

Their eyes--how they narrowed! The hisses were scary!
Their fur was standing upright, the lights an unwanted load to carry!

Their little mouths were drawn back in a hiss,
The tails of each of them, doing nothing but swish, swish;

The end strand of lights was held tight in Wurther's teeth,
and a piece of the tree encircled Fitz like a wreath;

Nikki was pissed, and howled insistantly,
Since he couldn't untangle himself from the tree;

Mazzy thought it was a game, and began to jump,
Grabbed the strand of lights, and her tail wagged with a thump;

With a gleeful look in her eye and a twist of her head,
What I foresaw filled me with dread;

She made not a sound, just went right to work,
looked me right in the eye, and pulled the lights with a jerk;

The tree came the rest of the way down, hitting her on the nose,
she howled and jumped back, up onto the couch she arose;

I sprang into action and tried to call the pets with a whistle,
But they all shot under the bed, flying like a missile;

As I heard my husband exclaim as he took in the sight,
"What happened to the tree?! Didn't we put it in the stand right?"