Saturday, March 25, 2006


You know, I don't know how I do it. Sometimes I even amaze myself. Take right now for example. I woke up this morning worrying about two stories in the news. But, voila! I've come up with an idea that could perhaps turn these negatives into positives. Let me explain. I have a feeling you're going to be as impressed with me as I am with myself.

First, there is this story in the news about this bratty kid in Tampa, Florida who did this experiment for her science fair. The kid went to four different fast food restaurants and took samples of the ice and the toilet water, and, as you would guess, the ice had more bacteria than did the toilet water. Now, let me say right off the bat, that this kid should be expelled. Why go meddling? Why give us normal humans just something else to worry about? I haven't even gotten my emotions around this whole bird flu thing, and, now I have to start worrying about contaminated ice. But enough complaining. That's not my style. (HA)

Let's move on to story number two. Seems that according to scientists (why don't we just get rid of the scientists and we could all sleep better?), Greenland's glaciers are melting into the sea twice as fast as previously believed. That wouldn't worry me so much, but I did see that movie about tornadoes in Los Angeles and New York being sunk and all that. And, if memory serves me correctly, it had to do with glaciers. So, now I've got another little issue stuck in my pretty little head. But, here's what I've come up with. I'll admit this is just a temporary fix, but why don't the McDonald's and Burger Kings and Wendy's and all the rest get together and go take some of those glaciers and use them in their drinks? Do you see the brilliance here? I don't think we really need all those glaciers. And, I'm sure anyone on a cruise ship who has ever heard of the Titanic, would be delighted to know the glaciers were being destroyed. What we don't want is those glaciers melting and causing the oceans to rise. I feel pretty sure there are enough glaciers to fill all of our cups for many generations to come. And, here's the icing on my beautiful cake, the ice from the glaciers is really really pure. We won't have to worry about what we're chewing on when we finish our drinks. When we see a speck in our Pepsi, we can rest assured that it's just some kind of a bug.

The way I see it, if all the fast food restaurants got together and shared the cost, the expense of chipping the glaciers and flying the ice back would be less than the electricity it takes to run all their ice machines. And, you tell me you wouldn't want to buy a big drink that was advertised as being "chilled by the pure glacial ice that came straight from Greenland into your cup." I think we have a win-win situation here. I'm also thinking Nobel Prize, or whatever they call those awards they give to really smart people who come up with great ideas. It might be called the Emmy. I can't remember. Anyway, I'm dusting off my mantle as we speak.

Just in case my glacier idea doesn't pan out though, I'm also working on a way to freeze toilet water into little cubes. You may as well kill two birds with one stone, I always say.

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