A lot of couples shower together. It's supposed to be romantic and sensual. Truth? It's not all it's cracked up to be. Because one of you is not getting water. One of you, therefore, is not taking a shower.
Let's be honest; one of you is having a great time, it's wonderful. The other one is in the back of the shower going, "You got a sweater up there? Maybe a windbreaker? Something with a hood would be nice. I would get it, but my ass is frozen to the wall here."
Then there are people who use the shower to do everything. They shave, they brush their teeth, they do their taxes, everything.
My husband can't shave in the shower. He says it's too risky. Ever see the guys who shave with an electric razor while driving? What is that about? Are you telling me that there's no other opportunity in their day to have a razor at their throat than while doing sixty around a curve? Surely they would squeeze a moment in before breakfast. Or at least wait for a red light.
My husband says he needs to be on dry, non-moving land to shave. And even then it's not easy. He has no mirror depth perception. It's all distorted; left is right, forward is back--he can't tell where he is. You should see him try to look at the back of his head with another mirror. I don't know why it is but I have never met a man who could do this. Only women. He can never find himself. He'd be like, "Honey, something's wrong with the back of my head." And I'm trying oh so hard not to roll my eyes when I tell him, "That's not the back of your head, it's the back scrubber with the sea sponge, hanging from the shower head." I told him the best thing for him to do is to find someone who looks roughly like him, and look at the back of his head.
My husband has a mustache, but he has in the past tried to grow a beard. But as it turns out, he is not a Beard Guy. Certain guys look good in beards. He looks, at best, like he's on his way to something that may, ultimately, with a lot of work, become a beard.
His beard starts to look promising, then in four days it just gets tired and stops. People see him unshaven and ask, "Oh, what is that--three, four days?"
And he has to tell them, "Sadly no, since last summer. But thank you for caring."
And they have to ask. They see stubble and have to comment. "What, are you growing a beard?"
What if he wasn't? What if he simply forgot to shave? Now they are just criticizing his hygiene. Like if you forgot to shower they'd say, "Hey, did you mean to smell like that? Are you going for some effect or are you just woefully negligent?"
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