Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Pondering VD
I don't understand why cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about Valentine's Day the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? And the makers think that it is perfectly acceptable to charge a hundred bucks or more for something that with a little ingenuity, I could make with shoe-strings and pantie liners. OK, not as attractive as it could be, but I'm making stuff up off the top of my head here.
But I bet if you asked any man, he'd rather have his Valentine buck naked with a 7-11 rose bud between her teeth, than pay the hundreds of dollars for lingerie. Lingerie that he won't get to enjoy if he gets the size wrong.
Too big? "Just how fat do you think I am?" Too small? You are just confirming the what we already know. You-are-a-moron. Stick with "I love you." Or jewelry.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? And the makers think that it is perfectly acceptable to charge a hundred bucks or more for something that with a little ingenuity, I could make with shoe-strings and pantie liners. OK, not as attractive as it could be, but I'm making stuff up off the top of my head here.
But I bet if you asked any man, he'd rather have his Valentine buck naked with a 7-11 rose bud between her teeth, than pay the hundreds of dollars for lingerie. Lingerie that he won't get to enjoy if he gets the size wrong.
Too big? "Just how fat do you think I am?" Too small? You are just confirming the what we already know. You-are-a-moron. Stick with "I love you." Or jewelry.
So anyway, tomorrow night I'll be at the Satin Love Orchestra Valentine's Day Ball with my man dancing the night away. It's kind of a disco cover band so my husband can boogy down and actually look good this time, since that's how he aways dances. BWAAHAHAHA!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
What's that smell?
Ah...the question could be a good thing or a bad thing when house shopping.
When you are ready to buy a house, why is it that we seem to think that Somewhere out there, our Dream House awaits?
My husband and I are finally ready to buy a house. I should say that I was personally ready about five years ago, but that is how it took me to convince him that we were ready.
Often, when you go to look at a potential home, there are people living there. It's still their home. And I love walking into a place that already has Food Smells going. Those soupy, cakey, meaty smells. I don't even want the food, I just want the smell. It's just so homey.
It makes me think of my friend Sonja. She's starting to get interested in cooking, but until then she could use the invention of something I just thought of. They should make a spray for people who don't cook. An aerosol can that, for five bucks, makes the whole place smell like pot roast. Or you could have a fumigator guy come in every three months.
Doorbell rings. "Who is it?"
"Pot roast man!" And he sprays around the house.
"You want me to spray the bathroom?"
"No, that's okay."
"How about under the sink?"
"Okay, maybe just coffee and cake."
Genius.
When you are ready to buy a house, why is it that we seem to think that Somewhere out there, our Dream House awaits?
My husband and I are finally ready to buy a house. I should say that I was personally ready about five years ago, but that is how it took me to convince him that we were ready.
Often, when you go to look at a potential home, there are people living there. It's still their home. And I love walking into a place that already has Food Smells going. Those soupy, cakey, meaty smells. I don't even want the food, I just want the smell. It's just so homey.
It makes me think of my friend Sonja. She's starting to get interested in cooking, but until then she could use the invention of something I just thought of. They should make a spray for people who don't cook. An aerosol can that, for five bucks, makes the whole place smell like pot roast. Or you could have a fumigator guy come in every three months.
Doorbell rings. "Who is it?"
"Pot roast man!" And he sprays around the house.
"You want me to spray the bathroom?"
"No, that's okay."
"How about under the sink?"
"Okay, maybe just coffee and cake."
Genius.
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