Sniff...Sniff...Gurgle, Hack, Cough...Ugh..

Oh. My. Gawd. I feel like crap. This cold I have is no ordinary illness. In fact I don't think that it's a cold at all. I think its some type of funky flu virus; a strain that has yet to be identified. Like the B-811-Crappy-Flu-Nothing-Will-Make-You-Feel-Better virus.

It occurred to me that over the last few days, I have been conducting controlled testing for all the latest cold/flu products, although unbeknownst to me until this morning. So let me tell you my findings.

• Tylenol Cold - makes me feel stoned out of my gourd, but otherwise does not do as advertised. Supposed to relieve: runny nose, sneezing, sore throat, aches and pains. It may actually relieve these things if what I had was an ordinary cold, but since I have this messed up strain of the bird/swine/bovine flu, who knows?
• Advil Cold & Sinus - does nothing at all for me. Doesn't even get me "cold medicine stoned". Waste of money.
• Vicks Day-Quil - we all know what it's supposed to do. But for me and my weird disease, all it does is clear up my sinuses. But all the gunk that was in my sinuses, ran out of my nose on a continual basis, for almost four hours after I took it. I went through half a box of Kleenex before it wore off. Yuck.
• Chloraseptic Cough Drops - they do what they are supposed to. And the menthol stuff in them, helps clear out my sinuses. Warning though, they taste like crap. Cherry flavored my ass. Maybe if the cherry was crapped out of a bird's butt first.

Anyway, those are my findings so far. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I want to thank the Kleenex people for making the tissues so damn thin. Good way to get people to buy more of your product. Everytime I blow my nose, I have to use two or three at a time if I don't want snot goo all over my fingers. Thanks a lot.