Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Why are people unable to learn?

How many times have you stood in line behind some helpless idiot who seems to have no idea on how to work his ATM/Debit card? Who are these fricking people? I mean really, ATM cards have been around for more than 20 years. Who are these, head-in-a-cave-clueless-mental-midgets that can't seem to grasp the workings of an ATM machine. It used to bother me, but at least it was only limited to the cash machines. Now thanks to every store in the world having an ATM at the counter, I see more of these idiots than ever.

Just the other day, I found myself grinding my teeth at the local grocery store, dreaming of slapping someone silly. Waiting for some lady to try and figure out the meaning of life while she paid for her loaf of bread and milk using her ATM card. I could have done it in less time had I been blindfolded, hung upside down and forced to do it with the big toe of my left foot! How hard can it be...

"Debit or Credit?"
"Enter PIN number?"
"Cash back...YES/NO?"
"Is this amount OK, YES/NO?"

I would like to be in charge of deeming people "UNFIT TO USE AN ATM". They would then have a bar code tattooed on their asses so that they would be forced to lower their drawers in public while the clerk scans their left butt cheek. I can see it now: the headline in the newspaper that will read..."Local Woman Goes Berserk and Kills ATM Customer!, woman (ah, that would be me) hauled away screaming, "Scan their ass...scan their ass!" That day is coming soon.

Another thing that bothers me while I'm bitching. The product warnings we're all subjected to, due to people placing lawsuits against companies for what amounts to their own stupidity.

A few examples: I bought some stick deodorant the other day, a brand I hadn't used before. Upon using it, I pulled off the lid, inside there was a smaller plastic cover, I guess to protect the product. On top of the little piece of plastic it read "REMOVE BEFORE USING". Huh? As if I'm gonna spend the next week rubbing this plastic piece against my underarm wondering why I don't smell exactly peachy by the afternoon? What lawsuit caused this little bit of silliness, and what jackass sued over it...I wonder? Did you hear about the woman a few years back who sued Johnson and Johnson due to her becoming pregnant after improperly using their Spermicidal Jelly? Apparently (and unfortunately I am not making this up), she put it on toast and ate it. Um, can we say, EWWWW!? She then became pregnant and sued Johnson and Johnson for lifetime support of her unwanted child, claiming it was reasonable for her to eat the product on toast...since they did call it Jelly? The really scary part is that this woman was allowed to procreate...am I wrong?

The last thing that just makes me shake my head, are the signs in the doorway of my local McDonald's which read..."We provide Braille menu's, which are available at the counter." Who is this sign for? If I am truly blind I can't read the sign on the door telling me that they have Braille menu's. The sign on the door is not in Braille, so I ask you...What is the point of the sign???? I've also noticed that the menu outside, for the driveup, has little Braille bumps on it. The day I see a person get out of the drivers seat of a car at the drive thru window at McDonalds, so they can read the Braille menu, is the day I never leave my house again. You can never be too safe on the streets again.

Why do companies do stuff like this you think? You guessed it, it's all about looking good. And, in the words of Billy Crystal..."It's better to look good than to feel good and Dahling...You Rook Maaahvelous!"

1 comment:

  1. Heheh, hearing your rants about product safety makes me remember one of my favorites. When you get prepackaged beef jerky, they have those little dessiccants in them that say, "DO NOT EAT. NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION!"

    As if people imagined they were getting a packet of gum along with their beef jerky.